Building a relationship means sharing a lot of things with the other person. Emotions he heard an ability to express and understand the feelings of the other party. In order to have a good relationship , one must first recognize himself. The person who knows himself is aware of his behavior, feelings and thoughts.
One of the main problems in relationships is that the person feels not understood. This is a communication problem. This problem may arise sometimes because the person does not know himself, and sometimes he expects him to understand him without telling him. It is not possible for the other party to understand this without expressing the situation you see as a problem. It is very important to “tell and be understood” for a good relationship. This requires both being open in the relationship and having the ability to listen. This applies to both parties. As sharing increases, the relationship becomes stronger and healthier.
The Importance of Recognizing Emotions
Close relationships are established through expressing emotions. Unexpected emotions accumulate and lead to a negative explosion. We cannot understand the feelings of others without recognizing our own feelings. The person who does not know his feelings cannot understand what the other party feels and cannot manage to empathize. The relationship then remains at a more superficial level.
Failure to recognize emotions and empathy can overlook the other side’s unhappy. Failure to understand the process (noticing the other party’s unhappiness) when the relationship reaches the end point causes you to be very surprised and disappointed.
Sometimes we don’t recognize our emotions, sometimes we cannot accept them. Expressing feelings such as sadness, malaise, unhappiness, anger is difficult for some people. Since the person is afraid that the other side will see him weak when he shares this feeling, this feeling does not share it even though it is a great burden. However, accepting that emotions are not wrong or inappropriate and that there is a reason to feel that emotion will be the basis for our ability to express our emotions correctly. There is no right or wrong feeling. Emotion is only felt, and it cannot be evaluated whether something you feel is correct or not.
How should the relationship be?
In a good relationship, there is primarily a desire to trust, respect, tolerance, compassion, to communicate well, to understand the other side. The relationship is a whole. It is two separate individuals that make up this. Each individual has his own needs, his own characteristics and his own preferences. If these differences are accepted and can be handled positively, it will lead to the development of the person. Trying to change the other person leads to conflict. You cannot change unless you want and demand anyone.
The Importance of Limits in Relationship
The boundaries of a relationship affect the quality of the relationship. Some couples do everything together, they do not separate from each other, while some couples have little in common and can share very little. In both extreme cases, the relationship comes to a breaking point. There is “we”, “” me “and” you “in the relationship and the balance must be well established. Within these three areas; common interests, shares and choices constitute “we”. The related fields and preferences of the people also form the “I” field. Lack of “I” limit in the relationship may cause the relationship to end after a while. Everyone needs a space of their own. If this area is not provided, the person cannot feel as an “individual” and becomes dependent, not dependent on the relationship.The relationship must both be able to remain me and be able to be us.
For a healthy relationship, the person must first love himself!
The most important relationship you establish is the one you establish with yourself. It is unrealistic for a person to wait for someone else to fail to give himself. Unless you show compassion, value and importance to yourself, you can expect the other party to give it. A relationship to be established in this way will not be a healthy relationship. “Who can give us what we can’t give ourselves?”
Someone who does not love himself cannot truly love someone else. We can only give someone as much love as we give ourselves. In this case, if we do not love ourselves, we cannot love someone else as they deserve. Your relationship with anyone cannot be better than your relationship with yourself.
It is also difficult for a person who does not love himself to feel the love towards him. If you do not feel that you are worthy of being loved, you will not believe that someone will love you. It is not enough for others to love us as well. Loving ourselves is when we come back and notice our thoughts about ourselves and work on them.
Everyone chooses what he thinks he deserves. If we think we deserve to be loved, we choose people who will love us. If you don’t value yourself and criticize it frequently, the person you choose will be someone who will treat you in this way. “What do you deserve?”
We choose the people we will relate to. In this selection process, we decide according to our needs. Understanding our choices and making healthy choices happen through knowing ourselves and loving ourselves. Otherwise, we always establish similar relationships and this can become a vicious circle. For this reason, it is important to increase the awareness of the person and to work on what he noticed.